Daily Dose of News

Teens Panic as Clown Spottings Increase Drastically

With the recent increase in rabid clown sitings, citizens of Friendsville, PA worry about the possibility of a clown purge. Rumors of the event have been circulating the community for days prior. Given the danger of the event, it is recommended civilians keep tucked away inside their homes.

We interviewed Captain Geoff of the Band of Exorcists.

In an effort to stop the town's greatest fear dead in its tracks, we have put into affect a new tactic in attempt to exterminate these god-forsaken clowns.
—Captian Geoff MyLawn
With the dedication and hard work of these 2 priests, it is estimated that the rampant clowns will be extinct within the next few days.

Earlier this morning, one of the demonic clowns abducted Mayor McLovin's pitbull Rex and renamed him to Cheryl. The poor pupper now refuses to adhere to the Mayor's requests as she finally feels like herself; sexually identifying as a female feline.

This is what a member of the community had to say about the abduction.

Completely outrageous, this is! How could such a thing happen! Delightful doggo was the heart of the town. It is very saddening to take in such news.
—David Pupperwatch